hp_may_madness

Title: When Films become Dreams
Pairing: Snape/Lupin
Word Count: 400
Rating: R
Warnings: Unbeta'd. crack
Challenge: Day 22 May Madness,crossover,
Author's Notes: 22 Day, Dogma the Movie crossover and quotes

Severus: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Severus: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.

"Perfect, you have that down too." Metatron noted. "Now I’m off for a holiday. Two weeks in St. Tropez."

Severus shook his head. "What are you on about?"

Metatron rolled his eyes. "You've got the looks, the voice, everything down to the bump on the bridge of the nose. I'm going on holiday. Sun, sex, liquor. Two weeks of not being at anyone's beck and call."

"You're going on holiday? And I'm interested in that how?"

"YourtakingmyplacesoIcangoonholidayandrememberhowtouseapenis."

Severus shook his head. "What?"

"I hate when I have to spell it out for people." Metatron replied. "You're taking my place. I'm leaving for a fortnight full of liquor and sex."

Severus' forehead wrinkled. "But you don't have any genitals."

"Oh, but I do. Yours fit perfectly." Metatron smirked.

Severus frantically undid his trouser buttons and pushed down his pants.

"You see, now you have the flat front." Metatron nodded sagely.

Severus let out a scream.

"Severus, Severus wake up." Remus voice sounded far away and foggy. "Severus!"

Severus became aware of a hand on his shoulder that shook him. He blinked rapidly.

"Severus?" Remus asked softly.

"Lupin?"

"A dream about the Dark Lord, Severus?"

Severus sat up in bed abruptly. "No! It was that ridiculous Muggle film you had us watch."

"After all we've been through I didn't think it was that frightening. I'm sorry." Remus said contritely.

Severus shrugged. "Thank you. You could not have known what kind of reaction I would have."

"Ready to go back to sleep?" Remus queried.

"I think I'll go use the loo first." Severus slid out of bed. He padded quickly to the bathroom. With a whisper he lengthened his shaving mirror into a full length one. Then he pulled his pants down to his knees and looked. He sagged with relief. His prick and balls were still there. He wrapped his hand around himself and hefted his balls with his other hand. Everything was exactly how and where it should be.
He was finally using these parts to their full potential; he would hate to have this amazing educational experience cut short.